For whatever reason, the number 7 has always been my favorite number. I really like that number. Not for superstitious reason or anything like that. I just like it. I guess my strong affinity to 7 is how linked I am to it. Take my birthday for instance. I was born on February, 7, 1977 at 7:30am. A whole lot of 7s there. Also my name, Julio, is the seventh month of the year (July).
Now that I’m trying to analyzing it, I guess that is the reason after all. Like I said, I’m not superstitious so I don’t think the number 7 can help ward away any ill will or luck or anything like that. I just like that number and the reason may be very superficial as the fact that I have a lot of 7s in my date of birth and my name is the seventh month of the calendar year. In some way I’m using the number 7 to celebrate myself. I’m not big on celebrating my own birthday so I think I’m entitled to a little self-indulgence here and there, right?
When I look back at college, my favorite classes where of an artistic or creative nature. I realize now that my minors should have been my major but that’s neither here or there. I greatly enjoyed taking creative writing classes, graphic art classes and the occasional performing arts class. I also loved learning about theatre history and english literature. Those subjects allowed me to dream of bigger and grander things. It’s probably why I’m a big fan of fiction over nonfiction books to this day.
There is something about art, in all its’ mediums, that I’m drawn to. I like to imagine myself as a great author of books, or a magnificent artist/cartoonist of some kind or a brilliant thespian/screen actor. It’s definitely fun to imagine the fantastical and run away in your dreams but to work towards those goals is quite another story.
It definitely takes work, ambition and determination. As Thomas Edison said, “Genius is one percent inspiration and 99 percent perspiration.” I have quite a bit of work to do to get started towards those dreams and make them a reality. Whether I accomplish any of these goals isn’t the point. The important thing is the effort I make towards them. The point is the journey and how you take it.
As I’ve gotten older I look back and try to see how much I may or may not have changed. From this little bit of introspection I find very little differences in my demeanor. Memories being a tricky thing it’s hard to know if the changes I think I’ve undergone are real or imagined. Also, some things that I feel I’ve improved on I wonder sometimes if I digressed in them as well. With that bit of preamble let’s move on to brass tacks.
I definitely feel I’ve gotten more secure and more sure of myself as a person. My moral base and sense of identity has only gotten stronger with time. That being said, my insecurities seem to only have become somewhat more magnified. Especially in my current situation. I’ve always been unsure of my creative abilities and having the free time to work on them has only exacerbated those anxieties. I hate failing at things. And even though only I can be the judge of what I do creatively, I’m so harsh on myself sometimes that it pretty much stifles my creative output. I’ve gotten a better stronghold on this insecurity these past few weeks but it has been a bit of an uphill climb.
With being more secure and more sure of myself as a person I’ve become more at ease with my lot in life. That has definitely been a surprise, especially now. One of my biggest worries growing up was living in a constant state of poverty. I don’t seem to care about being poor as much. I now accept it as is and though I try to work off my debts I don’t let it bother me as much as it use to. I no longer try to seek a job that might pay me the most money. Rather, I look for work that I might enjoy doing.
With age, I’ve gotten inner peace with some things and more anxieties with others. I guess that’s the balance that comes with being human. You always have to be flawed to strive to become better.