Category: relationships

Back With Some Old Habits and A New One

It’s been quite a while since my last entry.  Been meaning to write a few posts but I got bogged down with real life and some old pleasurable pursuits. Work both at my job and at the home is ever all time-consuming. On top of that I’ve re-re-rekindled my love of reading and of course there is always good TV to watch.

With my new old distractions back in full force there is only so much time in a day and so other things get neglected and put to the side. The biggest casualties were of course my social media accounts and this here blog (which I guess is the same thing). I decided to finally address this somewhat. I took yet another long look at my social network accounts and decided the best course of action is to weed out the ones that I’ve used the least.

Twitter was the one of the first to go (again!). It seemed that  I would check in on my twitter feed on an average of once every 2 weeks or so. I would share links on my twitter accounts through other sites and services (via or a tweet this button on said websites,) more often than I would read what other people would have to share. This made Twitter less social and more of a chore so that was an easy choice to make. The other social network I decided to dump was this new one that’s mainly used on a smart phone called Path. My wife added the Path app to our iTunes collection a few months back and I decided to give it a spin.  I was relatively active on it for a few weeks and then after a while I just stopped (like I do with just about any other social network I initially try).

I’m keeping my Facebook and Google+ accounts live for very simple reasons. Google+ is already attached to my email account and I won’t be getting rid of that anytime soon so why not keep Google+ as well. As for Facebook, out of all the social networks that I’ve used, I visit that one the most and still find it useful to find shows and events around my neighborhood. And heaven forbid I make my wife a “Facebook Widow” for the 3rd time (or would this be the 4th time? I’ve lost count).

Now with the old habits out-of-the-way on to my new one. For a few months, I’ve been debating about switching over to veganism or vegetarianism and I have inquired this idea with one of my favorite independent and podcast authors on Facebook, Kimberly Steele. She even has her own vegan podcast. She gave me some food for thought (no pun intended). I was still on the fence for a bit, but then a food allergy scare that afflicted my wife and a viewing of the eye-opening documentary, Fork Over Knives, and we switched to vegan diets the following day.

We’ve been mostly vegan for about a month now and have both lost about 8 pounds each (there has been some lapses with honey and some products that have contained whey protein). We definitely feel better and look forward to continuing this new path in our lives.

And now you’re all caught up with what I’ve been doing these past few months. As always, I promise to try to be more active here but who’s to say I won’t falter again (it has been known to happen). The next few posts will probably be about the past few book series that I’ve absorbed.

Insights To Help Guide In The New Year

In all of my social network profiles I used to describe myself as “a dreamer, a dabbler and an urban wanderer,” and for the most part, that is how I’ve lived my life. For 2012, I’ve decided to change it to read, “aiming for a more purposeful future,” and that’s how I plan to start 2012. For the past month or so I’ve come to realize that I’m not getting younger, my path still seemed aimless and if I really want to change my current financial and professional situation and anything else in my life, I really need to start to focus. To do this, I realize a few things need to be done.

The End Of The Dreamer And Wanderer:

It’s time for me to let go of my whimsical flights of fancy. They just aren’t going to happen. The very core of my being just won’t let them come true. Through high school and college I had thoughts of being a cartoonist, a writer and doing something in the performance arts. Heck two years ago, I was playing around with the idea of being a stand up comic. Unfortunately, the facts are dead set against me doing any of these things. Continue reading “Insights To Help Guide In The New Year”

On Relationships: Know When To Hold Them, Know When To Fold Them

I figured it’s about time that I do another blog post in this series on relationships. In the first post, I discussed my definition of friendship. I think in this post I’ll discuss, as the title suggests, when you should end a relationship. I know very little about the game of poker so I won’t stretch that analogy anymore than the title and to say, that like poker, relationships are a gamble. It’s not an easy math equation. Things aren’t black or white. When dealing with people and relationships things are never simple.

When a relationship is reaching its end or you’re at an impasse in the relationship, it doesn’t matter who is right or wrong. What matters is, does the relationship feel right to you? Let’s say for example, Tim and Susan, after a few dates decided that they wanted to be a serious couple. They both agreed to the ideals of a monogamous relationship and at first everything was great. After a while however, Tim started sleeping around. No matter how many times Tim and Susan fought it out over his indiscretions and no matter how many times Tim apologized  and vowed he would never do it again, he simply could not help his philandering ways. In this example, if you’re Susan you should end the relationship because it’s given you nothing but heartache and the foundation of your relationship is constantly toppled with each act of infidelity on the part of Tim. If you’re Tim, you should end the relationship because obviously you don’t really care to put in the same emotional investment as Susan and instead of continuing to hurt Susan, you should make a clean break and find a relationship that would better suit your polyamorous ways.

The longer a history a relationship has the harder it may be to end it. I myself had to recently end such a relationship. Again, the details don’t matter. It doesn’t matter who should get the blame. What it boiled down for me was that I completely lost trust in that relationship. Without trust, there is no foundation to build or stabilize a relationship. There is no point to continue such a relationship. To do so would be damaging for both myself and the other person. My new-found distrust would only build and develop to a cancerous resentment and other negative feelings. Rather than go down that dark road, I severed the connection and moved on.

Fortunately for me, this wasn’t the first relationship that I had to end. A breakup of any kind is never fun but it does get easier with time. Once you’ve decided, both in your heart and mind, that the relationship is over, a weight is lifted and you can breathe easier. The offending party may not understand your decision and may try to appeal to continue the relationship. They may be mad and hurt and try to lash at you. You may feel the compulsion to try to explain your side of the story and to try to make the other person feel better about the situation. After all, no one is ever the bad guy in the movie of their life (isn’t it the bad guy that hurts the feelings of another after all?). However, at that point, it doesn’t matter if the other person doesn’t understand why you ended the relationship. You’re no longer invested in it and you’re ready to move away from the emotional baggage of that relationship and start a new chapter in your life. Hopefully, you will have learned some valuable lessons about yourself and what you want in a relationship so that the next one is more successful.

Now I’m not saying that you should end a relationship just because it’s hard. That’s just running away from any problem. Even a good relationship has problems here and there. You need to put effort into any relationship. They all take work. It’s when you feel that your efforts are useless, you’re constantly frustrated and/or you stop putting any effort into it at all that you should ask yourself “why?” If the answer is unsatisfactory then maybe it is time to move on. Like a poker hand, look at the pros and cons that the relationship has dealt and decide if you want to continue it or if you’re ready fold and start a new one.

Related links:
On Relationships: My Definition Of Friendship