Six days have gone by and I feel like a changed man. It turns out a week of work was what the doctor ordered. Last weekend when I had 3 days off and nothing to do I was bored and in some melancholic stupor. I was questioning my purpose in life and why was this inconsequential species of man was even needed on this vastly overpopulated Earth.
Once I was back at work all those thoughts were gone. I just didn’t have the time. I was too busy taking care of customers and helping them with their retail needs. I had a spring in my step. We even made a day of it on Thanksgiving and Black Friday. We had free food, raffled some prizes and I even won something. It was a good week and I felt quite accomplished and a much better sense of self.
I also don’t feel too overwhelmed with content that I need to catch up on. Thankfully they too take vacation breaks so I am able to distract myself with other things. In fact, this busy week that improved my mood has given me a realization about myself that I either didn’t know or had forgotten. I need to stay active. I simply can’t have nothing to do.
I need to stay active, in any capacity. I’m making a tentative vow to myself, that the next time I feel like I’m sinking in to boredom, I’ll force myself to take a walk or do some exercise or maybe even work on some blog ideas. Probably the walk first to get the blood flowing and then stare at the blank web page.
Anyway that’s all I really had to say for now. I’m in a better mood than I was the previous week. Until the next post.
It’s been quite some time since last I wrote. It’s also been some time since I last even recorded a podcast for that matter. I’ve been half-assing both in such a manner that I’ve lost all motivation to do either. I figured there are people that are much better at both and what could I possibly contribute to the ether that would be worth reading or listening to?
Nonetheless, here I am back again. I can’t shake the scratch. I’ve done a lot of reading, listening and watching media content that, in my opinion, I don’t ever see myself ever being able to produce with my meager skills. Despite that realization I’m still compelled to connect some words together in a stream of conscious manner and post to the very same ether that has all this great quality of content.
Part of the reason is psychological. It gives me some kind of purpose in life. It also helps me combat the loneliness and boredom that I’m faced on my days off. I’m 2 years or more single at this point. I only have human interaction while at work and when I’m off from work I escape into the world of fiction via media content. For a good long while this was a good solution. I was at peace. Life was good. But as the time has gone by, I’ve started to feel incomplete and lacking something.
Anyway, so here I am typing my current feelings and converting them into text form. I’m currently not at my place of residence and don’t have access to my mic so this seemed the simplest option between blogging and podcasting. Truthfully though, if I’m being honest with myself, I would probably still choose this option.
The few months that I started podcasting again, I realized that I just don’t have the chops for it. It was more of a curiosity and an idle hobby than anything I would consistently do. Once I hit a roadblock and went on hiatus it just became harder to get back to it as the weeks went by.
Also with writing, I can erase any hiccups I initially put down. I can edit down my drafts with quicker ease than I would ever be able do with audio. Uhms, like you knows and other disfluencies don’t exist in the written form unless you intentionally leave them in.
So here we are, about 400 words in now and I’m feeling more at ease and better. This has been therapeutic after all. I’m sure there will be more random stream of conscious blather making its way on here some time soon. As this itch to do something, however inconsequential, will persist in the recesses of my being. Until the next urge.
It’s been almost a year since the last time I posted any content. I’ve been to busy with my self-loathing and being a social recluse. I know I don’t have the worse life in the word with people starving or in war-torn cities but my life hasn’t been exactly roses either. This past year I’ve jumped from one temp job to another and had a couple of months of unemployment. I gave up on eating better and put on the pounds again and just escaping my reality with media content.
Today I saw “Frozen” and “The Secret Life of Walter Mitty”. Both were great movies in their own right (at least in my opinion). And though they don’t seem to be the same at face value (One is an animated musical, the other is live-action slice of life story), I got the same message from both films. In “Frozen”, Queen Elsa is terrified to let people into her life because of her terrible powers and she doesn’t want to hurt anyone. Because of this she chooses to escape into the mountains and builds her own fortress of solitude. Walter Mitty is an unappreciated negative film analyst at Life magazine who zones out and escapes to his fantasies when things get uncomfortable for him to cope with in real life. In the end of both films, both characters let go of their anxieties and fears and plunge headfirst to the terrifying unknown of their futures.
Obviously there is much more subtext and nuances in both films but I just wanted to focus on that message of letting go and moving on. It’s time, I finally pick myself up and try to get my life together. Or at least get it closer to the way I want it to be.
Well this is my first post for 2014. Here’s hoping to many more.