It’s been some time since my last post. One significant change since then is my lack of Social Network interaction. I removed Facebook and Twitter from my devices about two months. I deleted my Instagram account a while ago. Oh yeah, I removed Snapchat from my phone recently as well. I just don’t see the point in any of them. At least not for me.
If anything, they were a big time suck. There were times when I felt I “needed” to go on them to “feel connected” with the world and those around me. Other times, I would go down my newsfeeds and then realized that I wasted hours away and have to rush other things the rest of my day. There was never a moderate way to use social networks. More importantly, I didn’t feel more connected to anyone using them. If anything, I felt more isolated from everyone and more of a stalker than a participant of some post on any of these social networks.
There have actually been recent studies about how people are getting more depressed while using social media. I agree with them. I did feel less than when I would look at how “great” everyone else is doing compare to myself. It made me think about things in a more superficial and superfluous way. Since I’ve omitted social networks from my life, I have been feeling a better sense of self-worth. Also I have more time for ingesting things that I genuinely enjoy. Whether it be reading, listening to music, watching shows (catching up on shows actually), etc.
Yesterday, in fact, after the all the hoopla of the solar eclipse that didn’t seem to pass over New York City (at least I didn’t see the sky darken at any point in time), I went on a little walk around Central Park, looked around and enjoyed it’s splendor in a way I haven’t in some time. I really started impressing on my mind the grandeur and scale it took to create this thing in the 19th century that is still standing today in most of its original form. I was especially awestruck when I finally took a little break around Bethesda Terrace and just admired the view. It’s amazing to see the work that went into it and the work that’s going into it to preserve it to this day.
Anyway, my point is, I feel like I”m living a much fuller life excising social networks from it and not because of them. And there are some sites and internet services that will prompt to connect my Facebook profile to them etc, but I will not budge. I haven’t deleted my accounts yet (to date, I’ve deleted my FB 3 times and came back for some reason or other), but if things continue as they are and social networks cease to even be an afterthought, I may get rid of them altogether.
Six days have gone by and I feel like a changed man. It turns out a week of work was what the doctor ordered. Last weekend when I had 3 days off and nothing to do I was bored and in some melancholic stupor. I was questioning my purpose in life and why was this inconsequential species of man was even needed on this vastly overpopulated Earth.
Once I was back at work all those thoughts were gone. I just didn’t have the time. I was too busy taking care of customers and helping them with their retail needs. I had a spring in my step. We even made a day of it on Thanksgiving and Black Friday. We had free food, raffled some prizes and I even won something. It was a good week and I felt quite accomplished and a much better sense of self.
I also don’t feel too overwhelmed with content that I need to catch up on. Thankfully they too take vacation breaks so I am able to distract myself with other things. In fact, this busy week that improved my mood has given me a realization about myself that I either didn’t know or had forgotten. I need to stay active. I simply can’t have nothing to do.
I need to stay active, in any capacity. I’m making a tentative vow to myself, that the next time I feel like I’m sinking in to boredom, I’ll force myself to take a walk or do some exercise or maybe even work on some blog ideas. Probably the walk first to get the blood flowing and then stare at the blank web page.
Anyway that’s all I really had to say for now. I’m in a better mood than I was the previous week. Until the next post.
It’s been quite some time since last I wrote. It’s also been some time since I last even recorded a podcast for that matter. I’ve been half-assing both in such a manner that I’ve lost all motivation to do either. I figured there are people that are much better at both and what could I possibly contribute to the ether that would be worth reading or listening to?
Nonetheless, here I am back again. I can’t shake the scratch. I’ve done a lot of reading, listening and watching media content that, in my opinion, I don’t ever see myself ever being able to produce with my meager skills. Despite that realization I’m still compelled to connect some words together in a stream of conscious manner and post to the very same ether that has all this great quality of content.
Part of the reason is psychological. It gives me some kind of purpose in life. It also helps me combat the loneliness and boredom that I’m faced on my days off. I’m 2 years or more single at this point. I only have human interaction while at work and when I’m off from work I escape into the world of fiction via media content. For a good long while this was a good solution. I was at peace. Life was good. But as the time has gone by, I’ve started to feel incomplete and lacking something.
Anyway, so here I am typing my current feelings and converting them into text form. I’m currently not at my place of residence and don’t have access to my mic so this seemed the simplest option between blogging and podcasting. Truthfully though, if I’m being honest with myself, I would probably still choose this option.
The few months that I started podcasting again, I realized that I just don’t have the chops for it. It was more of a curiosity and an idle hobby than anything I would consistently do. Once I hit a roadblock and went on hiatus it just became harder to get back to it as the weeks went by.
Also with writing, I can erase any hiccups I initially put down. I can edit down my drafts with quicker ease than I would ever be able do with audio. Uhms, like you knows and other disfluencies don’t exist in the written form unless you intentionally leave them in.
So here we are, about 400 words in now and I’m feeling more at ease and better. This has been therapeutic after all. I’m sure there will be more random stream of conscious blather making its way on here some time soon. As this itch to do something, however inconsequential, will persist in the recesses of my being. Until the next urge.